Jews worldwide observe a diverse array of rituals around death and dying, some dating back thousands of years. Many of these rituals are focused on treating the dead with respect and comforting and supporting those in mourning (אבלות – avelut, in Hebrew).
The Timeline of Jewish Mourning
Jewish rituals surrounding death are structured to provide a timeline for those who are grieving.
Aninut (אנונות) – Aninut begins the official mourning process. It starts upon hearing about the death of the deceased and lasts until their burial.
Shiva (שבעה) – Shiva is the first seven days following the death, during which friends and family will visit, bring food, and care for the grieving. Following Shiva is:
Shloshim (שלושים) – Shloshim is the first 30 days of mourning, when the grieving return to their normal routine, while still refraining from celebrations.
The first year – Finally, for those mourning a parent, the grieving period lasts a full year (that is Sheloshim, plus an additional eleven months).
Ritual Practices
Throughout the periods above, it is customary to say daily Kaddish (קדיש), a prayer for mourners. Especially observant individuals may say Kaddish up to three times per day within the presence of nine other Jews, called a minyan (מנין).
Beyond the initial year of mourning, it is customary to mark the anniversary of the death of a loved one, which is known as a Yahrzeit (יאָרצײַט in Yiddish). This anniversary is marked by lighting a 24-hour candle and reciting the Kaddish.
Visiting a Grave
When visiting a grave, many Jewish people will opt to place a stone on the grave. While the origins of this custom are unknown, there are several popular explanations. One practical explanation is that stones are a good memorial symbol because they are free and easily found no matter where you are. A more spiritual explanation is that stones act as a kind of “forcefield” that keeps undesirable spirits from haunting the dead.
When referring to someone who has passed away, we often say “Zichrono/a/am livracha” (זכרונו/ה/ם לברכה) meaning “May his/her/their memory be a blessing.”
To learn more about Jewish death and mourning practices, see Shomer Collective. For a comprehensive reference on traditional mourning practices, see Maurice Lamm’s The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning.