*Art by Leo Rodman, from the author’s book The Jews: 5,000 Years and Counting

I’m not the most, shall we say, “traditionally male-coded” of men. I’m the family cook, I cried more than my wife did at our son’s recent Bar Mitzvah, and as for sports – when a cousin recently sent me a picture of his new Kansas City Chiefs jersey, my first response was, “Ah yes, Taylor’s fiancee’s team!”

Let’s just say I’m definitely more Jacob than Esau. Not in the “deceiving my blind father with goat skins” sense, but in the “reading in tents instead of hunting” sense. Which is all the more remarkable, because my brother was in fact co-captain of his high school football team, is a massive sports fan (Roll Tide!), and not only hunts but even makes his own beer and bullets!

Oh, and he’s also the family cook. 

These are interesting times for men, to say the least. For Jewish men, when we look back to our Patriarchs, it’s hard to know how to model ourselves. The aforementioned Jacob and Esau were just one of many dysfunctional male relationships throughout the Torah and Hebrew Bible. And our centuries of rabbinic discussion feature hundreds of dudes doing lots of talking, but never about what’s actually going on with them. 

Then, there was the founding of Israel, and its impetus to shed pale, cerebral scholar maleness for the “new Israeli man” who worked the orange groves, carried an Uzi and hooked up with multiple girls in the back of the Birthright bus. While, contrarily in the Diaspora, second generation immigrant men were expected to hit the books and engage in one of the Three Acceptable Male Professions. 

So where do we, today’s Jewish men, learn how to man up? I learned a lot from my non-traditional Jewish dad, who not only was the cook too, but showered us with spoken and demonstrated affection. When I was a young man and lived in Jerusalem for a year, I  took part in a Jewish men’s group. But now I’m a Los Angeleno and who has time for one more thing involving planning and parking? 

Which is why I was intrigued when Rabbi Noam Raucher of the FJMC (formerly the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs, now it stands for “Fellowship, Judaism, Mentorship, Community”) approached me to co-host Mamas’ Boys, a new podcast devoted to “Jewish men having real talk.” It sounds simple, but even in today’s society, women are more likely to maintain regular social meetups and share feelings than men. We needed a podcast to force the issue. 

Interestingly, Jewish men have long had a designated space for sharing their very most vulnerable feelings: the required 10-man minyan to say Kaddish for a full year after an immediate relative dies. Nowadays, a minyan can be egalitarian, but for centuries, this was an all-bro, Sage-sanctioned tearfest.

But outside of emotional extremis, where do Jewish men “check in” and “dialogue”? A more modern incarnation has been synagogue Brotherhoods. However, as a guy who doesn’t have a taste for Scotch, poker, or cigars (but feel free to invite my brother!), those have not appealed to me – nor, I suspect, to many of today’s GenX-and-below guys.

The main point is that for today’s Jewish men to figure it out, we’ve gotta talk. Rabbi Raucher and I have already recorded several of these fascinating, intimate, hilarious, poignant conversations – including with Israeli literary luminary and Reboot Network member Etgar Keret, who subverted all my notions of manhood (and Israeli manhood no less!) by recounting how, as a large young boy, he used to beat up his bullies – and then cry afterwards! That in juxtaposition with Guns & Moses director Sal Litvak putting down his artist’s beret and advising young Jewish men to pack heat.

Maybe it’s time to refocus what men are talking about – to tackle a subject tougher than even the thorniest halachic dilemma, case in law or med school, or even Abraham trying to answer Isaac’s “awkward” line of questioning as they climbed Mt. Moriah ram-less.

In fact, the very first command that Abraham, the O.G. Jewish man-bro, was given was Lech Lecha, which the Rabbis have often interpreted to mean “Go into yourself.”

It’s been 4,000 years, but Abe, I think we’re finally ready to go there.

Watch or listen now to Mamas’ Boys, hosted by Rabbi Noam Raucher (Executive Director, FJMC International) and writer-comedian Rob Kutner, and produced by Marlene Sharp & Grace Fraga, exploring what it means to be a Jewish man today. Find it on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major podcast platforms. In the first half of 2026, the show will feature conversations with actor Joshua Malina, writer/director Salvador Litvak, actor Mark Feuerstein, Israeli writer and Reboot Network member Etgar Keret, Colorado Governor Jared Polis, and journalist Hanna Rosin.