“Every battle morning he puts on his Lucky “Israelites” tunic with Joshua’s name on the back. Which I’m not allowed to wash. I personally believe it’s unlucky to smell like the end of a day of pyramid building in the middle of Av. Then he has to eat his manna from his Lucky Bowl since the Red Sea opened the afternoon after he happened to eat from it.”

Joel Stein has written a column for Time Magazine for over 20 years, along with 22 cover stories; he was a columnist for Entertainment Weekly and the L.A. Times, as well as being the author of the books Man Made and In Defense of Elitism.